Bite Chemical But Only When They Are X
by yurisgurl
Summary: Lu Bu rampagge novel


**Yue Ying**: no! my dear zhuge liang!! i will tell lu bu about this (hope someone can be lu bu)

**Jiang Wei**: uses Jedi mind powers on Zhang He to make him kill Sima

**Lu Bu**: What do you want scum?

**Cao Cao**: hahaha

**Zhuge Liang**: oummmmm...

**Zhang He**: me wants kill Sima Yi...

**Lu Bu**: picks up Yue Ying What are you bothering me for?!

**Sima Yi**: looks around

**Yue Ying**: if you kill sima yi,i will give you million dollars.(act like mafia)

**Zhuge Liang**: why did I end up here anyways...shrugs and fans himself

**Zhang Jiao**: ill do it as fast as I can :O dances around with Jiang Wei

**Lu Bu**: I don't want to?

**Jiang Wei**: kicks Zhang He's thing, pushes him to the ground and walks away

**Jiang Wei**: kicks Zhang Jiao's thing also just incase that actually was supposed to be Zhang Jiao

**Cao Cao**: ipod is goo

**Female Soldier**: Lu Bu's mom) LU BU! GET BACK HERE!

**Pang De**: no Cao Cao, we are going to best buy to get a mp3 player

**Lu Bu**: o no tosses Yue Ying to her and walks away

**Cao Cao**: ipodddddddddd

**Female Soldier**: Lu Bu's mom) LU BU! I AM GETTING ANGRIER!

**Yue Ying**: i will gathered the three kingdom to destroy you.ok gotta go.i want to watch my fav movie with xing cai.i leave the rest to you.dont let me down.

**Pang De**: it's the same thing Cao Cao, you can listen to music on mp3 players

**Lu Bu**: throws a pumpkin at Yue's back and points at Lu Meng he did it...

**Cao Cao**: ipod

**Pang De**: MP3 :P

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) breaks Lu Bu's favourite plate and watches as the french fries roll in the mud o

**Cao Cao**: IPOD

**Lu Bu**: -- shoots hundreds of arrows at Nu Wa

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) pulls out the arrows and gets healed no matter what you do I cannot get killed :D

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) gives Red Hare food that contains laxative o

**Lu Bu**: oh well o gets more french fries

**Male Soldier**: Red Hare) sniffs it and stomps on it

**Cao Cao**: lara croft and ipod

**Yue Ying**: who threw that pumpkin??? warghhhh (making musou 10 second)

**Lu Bu**: points to Cao Cao o

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) bakes Lu Bu a cake and gives him 1 yuan

**Male Soldier**: Red Hare) licks Nu Wa's face

**Yue Ying**: who threw that pumpkin??? warghhhh (making musou 10 second)

**Cao Cao**: it was not me :(

**Yue Ying**: i will not stop until i know the truth!!!!!

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) gives red hare the cake good boy :O

**Cao Cao**: IT WAS LU BU!

**Lu Bu**: o it was Cao Cao points to the pumpkin on Cao Cao's shirt

**Male Soldier**: Red hare) neigh? looks at the cake and then looks at her

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) offers him a piece of cake come on :O you can do it :O

**Cao Cao**: LU BU!!!!!

**Male Soldier**: Red Hare) shakes his head and snorts

**Yue Ying**: using my brain,and a little help with my friend, einstein.i will use technology to destroy the world! (because of a little pumpkin)

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) tosses it into his face XD

**Zhuge Liang**: calls Yue Ying's cellphone

**Lu Bu**: gives Yue Ying a video tape showing that Cao Cao threw it at her o

**Male Soldier**: Red Hare) bit her butt, steals her money and runs off

**Cao Cao**: LU BU

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) OO?! IT BIT ME!!!! gets on black horse and chases after him

**Cao Cao**: it was lu bu

**Zhuge Liang**: come on yue...pick it up...

**Lu Bu**: Cao Cao did it, you have all the proof o

**Male Soldier**: Red Hare) runs much faster than the black horse and disappears o

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) sweatdrop then gets off

**Yue Ying**: (pick up the phone) where are you, do you know how worried i was????

**Cao Cao**: Lu Bu

**Female Soldier**: Yue Yang) looks around

**Zhuge Liang**: dont forget about me sweetie...i will be right there...o hang up...

**Yue Ying**: and cao cao,lu bu,because i dont know which one of you is guilty,then you have to fight.who lose,he is guilty

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) sneaks behind Lu Bu and gives him a wedgie X3

**Female Soldier**: Yue Yang) eats pasta

**Lu Bu**: throws Nu Wa into a lake :P

**Zhuge Liang**: pops behind Yue Ying o

**Lu Bu**: stabs Cao Cao through the neck with Maelstrom, chops his head off and beats his body with a rock ...

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) swims around then swims out very funny :P tosses a crab off of her

**Cao Cao**: hut

**Female Soldier**: Yue Yang) hugs Yue Ying hello sister :o

**Cao Pi**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DADDY ;;

**Male Soldier**: crab) o nice butt... crawls away

**Lu Bu**: knocks Cao Pi onto the ground and crushes his skull with the blunt end of maelstrom, cuts down Cao Pi's back and rips out his spine ...

**Cao Cao**: ...

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) O////o? tosses dries her hair

**Female Soldier**: Yue Yang) ...violence

**Zhuge Liang**: gently drags away Yue Ying ..

**Sima Yi**: haha lubus sucks

**Lu Bu**: tackles Sima Yi and stomps on his thing, roars loudly, punches him in the chest and rips his heart out

**Cao Cao**: u...chu..

**Female Soldier**: Yue Yang) I'm scared sister and brother-in-law :(

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) tries to rip off the star that go attached on her pants Xx

**Yue Ying**: i want to know who is the winner.till then, me, zhuge liang, and einstein will making a very powerful nuclear

**Zhuge Liang**: looks around

**Female Soldier**: Star) haha sucker...

**Lu Xun**: IM LIKE THE WIND!!!!!!! XD...cuz im teh strongest :O

**Lu Bu**: I obviously won scum o I killed Cao CAo, Cao Pi and Sima Yi.

**Yue Ying**: bye and peace! ( i hope)

**Xing Cai**: squeak?

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) rips part of her pants off where the star is and tosses it at Lu Bu's face :P

**Lu Xun**: u r hawt xing cai...

**Lu Bu**: grabs Lu Xun by the neck, spins around, rips out his throat which sends Lu Xun flying into a wall of spikes that impailed Xun's body

**Female Soldier**: Star) changes direction and flees before it gets killed

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) Yeah yeah she loves you too kicks him up on a tree and then climbs after him

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) What's this?! You killed him too?! Then Xing Cai you come!

**Xing Cai**: shakes head

**Lu Bu**: throws a spear through Xing Cai's face, through her head and out the back of it o

**Sun Ce**: surfs around in the water WAAAA HOOOO!!! XD crusin!

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) stop it you jerk :P tosses an apple at him

**Da Qiao**: skinnidippin'! gets sunbath

**Lu Bu**: jumps on a shark's back, chops off Sun Ce's arms, pushes him into the water and watches as sharks tear apart Sun Ce's body violently

**Xiao Qiao**: plays with Zhou Yu .

**Da Qiao**: screams ITS LU BU! runs

**Lu Bu**: takes a beach umbrealla and shoves it through Da Qiao's back pinning her to the ground then cuts her throat and covers her with crabs that kill her

**Zhou Yu**: O.O;;;; tosses the ball into the face of Xiao Qiao hard and runs off

**Xiao Qiao**: falls over ouchie . 

**Lu Bu**: grabs Xiao by the hair and spins her over her head, her hair rips off and she flyies off into space where she explodes

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) what the hell...

**Lu Bu**: laughs hard then gets in a truck and crashes Zhou Yu into a wall, he backs up and then drives over Zhou Yu's skull, crushing it

**Cao Ren**: makes a hello kitty sandcastle .

**Xu Huang**: good job Ren :O say cheese:O takes picture

**Cao Ren**: strikes poses :D

**Xu Huang**: nu huh thats the way:D takes pictures

**Lu Bu**: shoves Cao Ren's face into the castle and stomps on his spine crushing it, then he puts rabid dogs on him that maul him to death

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) dorks :P hey Fu Xi up for poker?!

**Male Soldier**: Fu Xi) sure thing :O plays poker with her

**Lu Bu**: grabs Annihilator from Xu Huang and spilts his body into two, drags his dead body ontop of Cao Ren and takes a picture with Xu's camera

**Xu Huang**: OO?!...hey wait wait a second :O let me get a shot of you :O say cheeeese!ű

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) I will win :P

**Lu Bu**: hits Fu Xi with the table and gives him cuts all over from the cards, then shoves the deck of cards down his throat and watches him choke to death

**Pang Tong**: dum de dum dum de dum...just taking my stroll on the bea...OO...dum de dum dum de dum...hgoing home...runs off

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) --

**Male Soldier**: Xu Shu) sleeps in a box o

**Pang Tong**: hey Shu...is still running

**Lu Bu**: sees Pang Tong running and jumps on a motorcycle, makes a lasso and catches Pang by the neck then drags around from the back of the motorcylce

**Male Soldier**: Xu Shu) raises hand then down o

**Lu Bu**: pours gas on Xu Shu's box and tosses a lit match on it causing Xu Shu to be burnt to death

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) how cute :O cute Xu Shu . come here :O

**Diao Chan**: runs down the beach in a David H. style oh yeah!

**Dian Wei**: you took my role slut -- beats her to death

**Lu Bu**: takes out arrows and shoots Diao Chan with 50 of them, them tosses her into the lake to be devoured by a giant squid

**Diao Chan**: slips on a rock and breaks her spine...Im dying here...Xo

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) crosses her arm and pouts --

**Dian Wei**: haha slut :D

**Lu Bu**: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SCUM!?!? crushes Dian Wei's skull with his bare hands and beats him to death

**Dian Wei**: pulls his pants off and goes into the sea

**Dong Zhuo**: grabs SSX's butt ;)

**Sun Shang Xiang**: slaps him jerk --

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) good girl :O

**Sun Shang Xiang**: high 5 :O

**Lu Bu**: pulls out a chain gun and fills Dong Zhuo's chest and stomach full of bullets then lifts Dong up and crushes SSX's body

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) gives her high 5 .

**Lu Bu**: drinks some tea... o

**Zuo Ci**: shakes his head...this will not bode well...you are not only stupid, ugly but very violent...walks off

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) claps .

**Lu Bu**: throws two spears into the back of Zuo Ci's knees knocking him down, steps on his back and rips out his arms then beats him to death with his arms

**Liu Bei**: ...

**Liu Bei**: can I have those arms please:O

**Liu Bei**: bites off Liu Bei's head and tears apart his body ... spits out the head into a well

**Zhang Jiao**: RECIEEEEVVVE THE POWAAAAA:D

**Zhao Yun**: .. throws up

**Lu Bu**: RECIEVE DEATH! shoves Jiao's staff down his throat causing him to explode o

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) rubs Zhao's back...its ok sweetie...o...

**Ma Chao**: pats Zhao on the back :(

**Lu Bu**: jumps on Zhao Yun's back which causes him to fall onto a sharp rock, crushing his ribs and lungs, then snaps his neck

**Lu Meng**: Lu Xun... :(

**Lu Bu**: takes Zhao and Ma's spears and shoves them into Ma's eyes, rips them out and shoves them both through his spine

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) hugs Ma chao o

**Zhang Liao**: ;)

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) points at herself :O

**Lu Meng**: SHUT UP!!!! LU XUN :(

**Lu Bu**: slashes off Lu Men's legs, throws him into a ship, covers the ship with gun powder and blows it up

**Zhang Liao**: ... nods ;)

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) giggle giggle :OOO

**Sun Quan**: hey...I want women too :(

**Zhou Tai**: shut up I am your lover now get me some dog food --

**Lu Bu**: snaps Zhang Liao's neck, drags him to McDonalds, chops him into pices, fries the pieces and sells them to cannibals

**Sun Quan**: no :/

**Lu Bu**: grabs a boulder and crushes Sun Quan's face several times, then takes out 2 katanas and slices up Zhou Tai

**Zhen Ji**: beautiful and talented...not bad...

**Zhang He**: thats my line :(

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) plays ring around the roses with Ling Tong

**Ling Tong**:)

**Lu Bu**: rips off Zhen Ji's dress, shoves her flute into her stomach then throws her to the cannibals to rape and eat her

**Lu Bu**: lifts up Zhang He, takes his claws and shoves them into the side of his skull then throws him into a gay bar

**Lu Bu**: shoots Ling Cao in the head with a gun then beats Ling Tong to death with Ling Cao's dead body

**Guan Ping**: when I grow up i will be thee balletdancer :O

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) --

**Guan Yu**: good job son :)

**Lu Bu**: dresses Guan Ping as a ballet dancer then bends him in half snapping his spine and smashes him throw a window

**Lu Bu**: chops off Guan Yu's knee caps to make him shorter then chops him through his stomach with Guan Ping's sword

**Gan Ning**: he is myson --

**Meng Huo**: runs around

**Zhu Rong**: rides on Meng Huo weeee now turn left :O

**Meng Huo**: turns left :D

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) fun :O

**Zhu Rong**: juuuuuuuuuuump

**Lu Bu**: shoves a peg into Gan Ning's chest and throws him onto a ship of pissed pirates

**Meng Huo**: hops

**Lu Bu**: dives at Zhu Rong knocking her off Meng and causing Meng to fall on her head crushing it, then he makes the elephant sit on both of them

**Sun Jian**: gay --

**Huang Gai**: so you are :D

**Sun Jian**: im not!

**Pang De**: sure you are :P

**Sun Jian**: u r teh gayness --

**Lu Bu**: causes an earthquake which makes rocks fall on Sun Jian crushing him and sends him into the earth's core

**Huang Gai**: dont I get to say anything at thiat!?

**Lu Bu**: shoves a bomb down Huang Gai's throat and throws him down with Sun Jian blowing them both up

**Pang De**: gotta go OO; runs off

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) --;;;;;;

**Wei Yan**: sticks his leg out causing Pang De to fall ...jerk...ie...

**Lu Bu**: grabs Pang De's axes, cuts open his chest and slashes his internal organs, then lions come and eat him

**Pang De**: ...ow

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) kills Wei Yan --

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) walks over to Lu Bu and slaps him hard across the face calm down you monster :P

**Lu Bu**: rips off Wei Yan's mask, stabs his stomch with it, stomps on it so it goes inside him then crushes his skull

**Lu Bu**: throws Nu Wa into a bottomless pit :P

**Huang Zhong**: ... ...I am saved :D

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) climbs out after a day --;;;;;;;;;;;;

**Lu Bu**: grabs Huang's arrows and shoots him in the ears, then shoves them deep into his head stabbing his brain, Lu Bu then tosses him to be eaten by a bear

**Jiang Wei**: sniffles :(

**Taishi Ci**: licks his popsickles .

**Xiahou Dun**: makes eye dumplings for Yuan .

**Xiahou Yuan**: for me :O...:( im touched...

**Lu Bu**: lines up a few spears to stick up from the ground, grabs Jiang Wei by the face, tosses him in the air, kicks him and makes him land on the spears

**Xiahou Dun**: hugs him brother

**Lu Bu**: grabs the Xiahous by their heads and smashes their heads together, then beats them to death with Yuan's weapon

**Xiahou Yuan**: wub you :-

**Taishi Ci**: offers a popsiclke to loo poo :O

**Lu Bu**: takes Taishi Ci's weapons and smashes the sides of his head with them then cracks them over his head

**Yuan Shao**: I am the ruler of China now!!! MWA HA HA HA!!!!

**Female Soldier**: Lady Liu) hits him on the head with a pan dork --

**Yue Ying**: snickers

**Zhuge Liang**: kisses Yue on the cheek gently .

**Yue Ying**:O...///

**Yuan Shao**: I am now thought 

**Lu Bu**: takes Yuan's DW4 helmet and shoves it into his chest, cuts off his moustache then stabs him to death with his own sword

**Female Soldier**: Lady Liu) Im the real ruler :P

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) 1 down 6 to go :P

**Lu Bu**: beats Lady Liu to death with the pan throws Yue Ying and Zhuge Liang to Neptune

**Zhuge Liang**: reaches for her hand

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) looks around...

**Female Soldier**: Lu Bu's mom) smacks him on the head with her cane SHUT UP! stupid boy!

**Lu Bu**: grabs her by the hand and throws her into a pit of spikes o

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) smacks her hand on her forehead

**Male Soldier**: Gao Shun) ..?!

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) --

**Lu Bu**: Gao Shun... is that you:o

**Male Soldier**: Gao Shun) :O nods

**Lu Bu**: come closer my friend... I can hardly see you... rubs his eyes :(

**Male Soldier**: Gao Shun) shakes his head :P

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) snickers XP

**Lu Bu**: hug:(

**Male Soldier**: Gao Shun) gives him a teddy bear and walks off o

**Lu Bu**: -- pulls out a rocket launcher and shoots Gao Shun in the back with it blowing him into tiny pieces

**Male Soldier**: Peasant) :(

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) ..

**Lu Bu**: snaps the peasant like a twig

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) sighs :(

**Male Soldier**: Chen Gong) shakes head 

**Zhang Fei**: drinks wha ahaha and then he said...WHOOOOYEAH

**Xu Zhu**: nods and eats baozi

**Male Soldier**:O my friend Chen Gong... please hug me...

**Zhang Fei**: make it a cake!!!!! YOOO

**Male Soldier**: Chen Gong) raises his eyebrows ?

**Lu Bu**: Chen... if you hug me the spell will be broken :O

**Xu Zhu**: mooooooooooo

**Male Soldier**: Chen Gong) pats him in the back ?

**Lu Bu**: throws all his weapons away and opens his arms to Chen Gong

**Lu Bu**: hug:(

**Xu Zhu**: mooo mooo?

**Male Soldier**: Chen Gong) sweatdrops 457829457429 times then hugs him then releases him ;

**Zhang Fei**: MWA HA HA HA THE GAYSSSSS LOLZ

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) ewwwwww...

**Lu Bu**: pulls him back and hugs him... then squeezes him too hard and crushes his ribs, lungs and heart :

**Xu Zhu**: BOOOO

**Lu Bu**: smashes Zhang Fei in the head with a jar of wine then shove food down Xu Zhu's throat until he gets so full his stomach explodes and he dies

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) ;;

**Female Soldier**: Empresss He) --

**Male Soldier**: Li Ru) choose .

**Lu Bu**: locks Empress He in a tower o

**Female Soldier**: Empress He) tosses the cup away and the sword too then yells at him --

**Lu Bu**: throws Li Ru in there too o

**Lu Bu**: puts cages over the windows

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) ducks I am all alone...sniffle...cries 

**Female Soldier**: Empress He) WHATS THIS?! I DESERVE BETTER TREATMENT!!!!

**Male Soldier**: Li Ru) damn you Lu Bu ...

**Female Soldier**: (Nu Wa) ;; sobs

**Lu Bu**: drops poisonous spiders and snakes into the room

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) punches his back give me back Fu Xi you jerk! --

**Male Soldier**: Hou Cheng) ...hehehe...plots against Lu Bu :3

**Male Soldier**: Song Xian) nods :D

**Male Soldier**: Guo Si) joins in o

**Lu Bu**: jumps down on Hou Cheng and crushes him, then grabs Song Xian and smashes his face into a brick wall several times

**Male Soldier**: Li Jue) kicks Guo Si in the butt --

**Male Soldier**: Li Jue) :D runs off

**Lu Bu**: lifts up Guo Si over his head and throws him into a lake of piranhas

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) snuggles close to Fu Xi ,o

**Lu Bu**: pulls out a sniper rifle and shoots Li Jue in the head

**Male Soldier**: Fu Xi) wraps his arms around her o

**Lu Bu**: grabs Fu Xi's dead body and throws it into a meat grinder

**Female Soldier**: Sayo) ...

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) pulls his head out and snuggles close to it ;;

**Male Soldier**: kekeke...did you hear the rumor:O

**Lu Bu**: throws the head into the meat grinder and makes sure she can't take any of it, then lets cannibals eat it, then chops Sayo into tiny pieces

**Male Soldier**: what :O

**Lu Bu**: throws a bomb at Male Soldier and blows him up before he can say it

**Female Soldier**: Nu Wa) meanie kicks his kneecap

**Lu Bu**: throws Nu Wa into the bed and rapes her to death

**Lu Bu**: tosses Nu Wa out of the window, puts his pajamas on, goes under the covers and falls asleep

**(Narrator)**: ...sadly it was never revealed that Nu Wa had the biggest melons of all of them...

**(Narrator)**: ...and Lu Bu lived happily ever after...

**Lu Bu**: throws a nuclear bomb at narrator then falls back to sleep


End file.
